i was born a porn star she said
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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