areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
