Your mouth is God's brothel.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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