My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
