I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize