A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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