I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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