i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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