I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
