can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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