i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
