sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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