How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
