Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
