Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
