She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
