when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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