nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
