you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
