I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
