I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
