dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
