i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
