at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
