I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
