i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
