Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Randomize
