I want to stick my p in your. b.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
