i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
