good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize