So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
only you would photoshop your dick
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize