ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize