i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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