his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
