I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize