I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
