I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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