You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
