If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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