I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
