I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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