Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
