Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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