So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
