I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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