apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
