You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
