Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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