halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
