She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
