ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
