He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
