What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
