please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
