I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
