i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
