dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
